(Bad) Movie Roundup

The other day I went to see Step Brothers, which is a terrible, terrible movie that made me lose all respect for John C. Reilly. It makes me wonder if he actually enjoys brainless comedies or if he was THAT hard-pressed for money.

Anyway, it feels like most movies I’ve watched in the theater this year were absolutely awful, and I’m trying to recount what they were. If you want the results before I list the movies, here they are:

(Watched in the last two years in the theater:)
24 movies
12 bad
7 okay
4 good
1 AWESOME (Juno)

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull
Terrible writing, terrible dialog, terribly ridiculous fight scenes. I met Uwe Boll this year, and he was right when he said that people would’ve put him in an insane asylum if *he* had been the one to make the movie. I’d much rather watch Bloodrayne a third time than watch Indiana Jones again. And Shia LaBeouf is one overrated actor, I tell you.
The Dark Knight
COMPLETELY overrated. Even silly action movies used to be better than what Hollywood is coming up with these days, and the 9+ star rating at IMDB.com is ridiculous. I’d give it a six, tops. There were some things I liked, and it’s hardly ever unpleasant to see Maggie Gyllenhaal perform in anything (except maybe in Secretary, but I might just be a prude), but overall the movie was just too forced and too dumb.
Step Brothers
As mentioned above. A piece of turd. No more to say.
Vantage Point
A dumb movie. Such a promising story – seeing the same scene from several different perspectives – but in the end, such a lame plot.
An okay movie, not particularly memorable, though.
Sex And The City: The Movie
Ah well, not exactly good, not very emancipated at all, but only a little bit worse than I expected.
Fool’s Gold
Finally a movie I wasn’t disappointed by, because it was exactly what I had imagined. Silly, fun, with stupid action-movie clichés and Kate Hudson. ENTERTAINING!
Get Smart
That one was really good. A very decent comedy with some smart jokes and generally a LOT more than I expected!
No Country For Old Men
I suppose it was okay, but it was very slow and I didn’t exacty ‘get it’. As much as I like the Coen Brothers, I won’t be recommending this movie to anyone.
Definitely the winner! This is the best movie I’ve seen in a long while, in and out of the movie theater! You go, Ellen Page! You go, Kimya Dawson! You go, Diablo Cody!

I suppose Juno and No country For Old Men were technically released last year, but it always takes a while for them to reach movie theaters here… But now that I look at what was released last year, there was mostly crap, too.
I did watch these in the theater last year:

Pretty awful.
I Am Legend
Good idea, but not very well done. Logic erros, and stupid monsters and a VERY stupid ending.
Live Free Or Die Hard
Bad! Maybe action is NOT all you need in an action movie.
Well, it had some interesting scenes and the way the sound was blended into the movie was nice, but the story… geeeeez.
Ocean’s Thriteen
Oh well. I seem to remember it was dull.
Mr. Brooks
That one was pretty awful, too. The story was dumb and nobody cared for the characters and their strange behavior.
Okay, I played the game and I thought the movie would be fun as your typical action movie with nice effects, but it was boring and Timothy Olyphant had a grin on his face all the time, and although little is known about Agent 47, I know this: He doesn’t smile a lot!
The movie is pretty awful, and some of the animated faces looked eerie (Uncanny Valley much?), but I watched it in 3D and the 3D effect was pretty wicked, so who cares? The sins of our fathers! The sins of our fathers!! THE SINS OF OUR FATHERS!!! I AM BEOWULF!!!! (Urg.)
American Gangster
Well, not exactly great, really, but entertaining enough and – looking at the competition – evidently up in the better half of the movies I’ve seen in the theater.
Gone Baby Gone
Hyped way too much when it really had a lame and uninteresting story, but it was okay.
The Brave One
Definitely one of the better movies I’ve seen in the theater, and it did make me think and was interesting. The romantic scenes were kind of odd or unfitting or somehow off, and the ending was also a bit peculiar, but all in all it was a good movie.
An awful movie. Awful and ridiculous.
Because I Said So
Awful writing, bad movie. Diane Keaton is overrated.
The one German movie I watched in the theater in the last two years, it seems. And it was surprisingly good. Sure, lots of clichés and exactly how often can you laugh at something embarassing being said too loudly so it’s overheard by everybody in a restaurant – but all in all, it was sweet.

CONCLUSION: I watch too much crap in the movie theater. I should choose the movies I watch more wisely. Too many bad movies are being made! It’s scary to think that Fool’s Gold is one of the best movies I’ve seen in the theater lately…

2 Replies to “(Bad) Movie Roundup”

  1. In these last two years I’ve been watching mostly animation movies, because that’s what my daughter wants to see :( But I’ve been lucky, having seen two excellent films, Ratatouille and Wall-E. I have also seen No Country for Old Men, in one occasion when my daughter was away in vacations, and think it is a nice movie, but yeah, a bit slow and “empty”.

  2. I loved “Because I sai so”..you are just not able to comprehend it, ’cause you never was a daughter of overbearing mother. okay? I was and it’s just about my own life. So I loved it, so as my mom. And Diane Keaton is NOT overrated, she’s underrated by people, like you. I adore Diane to pieces and she’s the best for me EVER.

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